Livejournal is pretty much the Mecca for melodrama, so here goes.

I really, really want to have fun tonight.  I want everyone I'm with to get blitzed and laugh and dance and sing in the most over-the-top manner possible.  I want to give amazing nicknames to all my drunken friends and absorb the atmosphere without actually being intoxicated myself because we're in a bar and I'm a toddler.  I want to stumble out of the Roadhouse with my crew in tow around 2am and shuttle everyone home.  I want a million hilarious "had to be there" pictures to be taken throughout the night.  I want to laugh at everything and let all issues fall to the wayside. 

Up until a few hours ago, I was pretty certain that this was all going to happen without any hesitation.  Now I'm not so sure, and it all reverts back to the same ridiculous drama that's been going on pretty much since the LAST Writing Center end-of-semester party. 

It'll never end.  You said that today, and it's true.  I'm glad you admitted it.  It'll never end. Not until you end it. 

So end it, even if you never look at me that way again.  Just end it so I can stop hearing you complain about how you "don't feel it anymore."

If you jerk me around any more this year, you will break my neck.

I'm glad you think I'm some kind of fortress, but I'm not strong enough to take much more. 

Before I close this vague, pointless mini-rant addressed to the one person to whom I will never actually vocalize any of this, let me say one more thing.  I don't know if it is ingrained somewhere in men to say the phrase "don't be mad at me" when they are being utter dickbags, but it is a habit that needs to be broken immediately.  The statement generally pops up when said dickbag has just given a girl a completely legitimate reason to be mad.  Cut it out.  I'll be mad if I want because frankly, I've NOT been mad for way too long.  I get a turn too, okay? 

If we're being honest, I get mad less often than my insides just get tired.  That's the best way to describe it.  Right now, my insides are exhausted.  When we talk, I feel like I've died twice. 

que tal?: you song styles: Alk3

Still homeless.

Kissed a boy last night.

The wrong one.

Dropped $120 at Meijer.

I can't believe- 4 weeks left in the semester.  Things don't look good.

I'm going to be a little down for the next few weeks I think.

I'm starting voice lessons next month. 

This week, I WILL call Park Terrace so that I'm not homeless this summer. 

I will also attend class, finish my cover letter and send in my application for the job at Career and Student Employment Services, and fill out my conference reports at work.

Basically, I'll just be an all-around BAMF. 

Oh, and I'll probably pay my credit card bill too.  We'll see how things look.

I'm at: home que tal?: optimistic song styles: Kate Nash via my brain

FUCK SNOW, for one.

I walked a bunch in the snow tonight. 

Then left my keys in Scott's car.

Which is at Roadhouse, buried under the snow.

And he's at home, probably passed out by now.

Which means that...

...tomorrow, I have to call him (I hate calling him when he's with his girlfriend) to get my fucking keys back.

And my birth control.  That's in the car too.

I got made an assistant director yesterday. 

I've been a little down of late.

que tal?: blah

I don't really have anything to say.  I'm just super restless and jittery.  I'm waiting for fuckin' Scott to call me from the airport so he can tell me how his gigantic interview in Philadelphia went.  I think I'm going to have a real hard time sleeping tonight, because it's one of those days where I'm already stoked for tomorrow and am ready for it to commence.  There's not even anything that special going on tomorrow, other than the fact that I'm picking up a cake and making a veggie tray for a going away party at work.  I have homework that I could do, but I'm so goddamn wired off of nothing right now that I don't think I'd be able to concentrate.  If I were the working out type, this is the point where I'd go for a run.  Damn, if I had an MP3 player, I'd be out the door walking around campus till morning right now. 

YAARRR.  I'm bored.

que tal?: restless song styles: Kimya Dawson

Ack I don't want tooooo

                                                clean, read, or study for tuesday's spanish exam.

I'll read ONE more chapter tonight.

My room's a mess.

I like hanging out with Dave. 

This is really random, so I hope you don't mind.

I have an origami phoenix.

Tomorrow I'll get up early (I hope) and do homework before class like I'm a good student or something.

Maybe take apps back tomorrow?  It would probably be for the best.

I'm almost done being sick I think.

I should also go to Faunce sometime this week to apply for a summer job there...

yes.  It's a plan.

I'm at: hooome (as in, Kzoo) que tal?: cheerful song styles: Once soundtrack

I'm not invincible in any sense of the word.

I'm sick


and tired of trying.

I'm not too good at dealing with awkward situations.  There are a lot of things I can just laugh off, but all too often I end up ignoring something rather than being a grownup and addressing it.  This happens most often when the awkward or uncomfortable situation is actually important or affects my life in a recurrent way. 

I hide behind song lyrics and rely on them to say the things I really feel.  It would probably mean more in my own words, but I just don't have the strength in my voice.  I don't have the

articulation.
eloquence.
fluency.
verbosity.

I let myself get swept up in things.  I let myself get distracted.  I try too hard to please people and end up running myself into the ground.  At the same time, I also take self-enjoyment too far.  I am prone to excess.  All of these things detract from my to-do list.

That being said, tomorrow I'll spend another day at the Writing Center getting the wrong things done.  I'll go to class, though, I promise.

que tal?: cynical song styles: Maybe, This Time

Suckfest

I don't want to go back to reality

I'm a trainwreck

I seem to have fallen back into my old mistakes.

Sorry.  I can't call it a mistake.  Not when I know what I'm doing.  

(Thing is, I really have no idea what I'm doing in the big scheme of things.)

All I know is that today was pretty kickass.  That seems to be a pattern lately.  

I'm ready for:
 - the snow to stop
 - spring break
 - my next two midterms to be over
 - my vacation checks from Orchard Market to come through
 - a new job

Luckily, I won't have to wait longer than a week for most of those things.

Somebody hire me!!  I'm really good at talking about writing and making a fool of myself.
I'm not much of a jester, but I'd test poison food for you.

I have a linguistics midterm tomorrow.  Studying should occur soon. 

que tal?: I'm wearing my glasses today song styles: Sunny Day Real Estate